Social Issues – Anna Sojourning

What is Mankind’s Purpose?

Posted on 11/09/2025 by Anna

If meaning came from satisfaction of basic needs, such as food, safety and physical pleasure, the question of meaning would, in itself, be meaningless. In such a universe, one could silence restless philosophers by feeding them. Many people do seek ultimate fulfillment through physical comfort. They seek pleasure through lifestyles centered around such things as accumulating possessions, focusing on their bodies, trying to maintain happiness at all times, but these so commonly fail to provide significant or lasting meaning that clichés such as, “Money can’t buy happiness,” are coined.

I should clarify that I don’t equate finding meaning in life with happiness or fulfillment. I would define happiness as an experience of pleasure at a given point in time. Martyrdom may be deeply meaningful to a person, but it’s certainly not a happy experience. Fulfillment or a deep sense of well-being encompasses other elements in addition to a sense of meaning, for example, the need for belonging to a group, for relational intimacy, to have value as a person, or a sense of purpose and productivity. Such elements are separate but interwoven, and if any of these elements are missing, most people will experience some negative impact.

Many of the most famous philosophers, despite coming from vastly different spiritual backgrounds, cultures and upbringings all came to what is in essence the same conclusion: that it is possible to find meaning in life, and that a meaningful life is one which pursues virtue. In other words, that which is meaningful in life must transcend mere meeting of physical needs or impulses.

• Plato referred to an objective called “eudaimonia,” “the good life,” which is what humans must strive for in order to be truly happy. Greeks philosophers believed everything has an “arete,” “virtue” or “excellence,” which is what gives it value. For example, a knife’s arete is its ability to cut well. Plato believed a human’s arete was virtue, which encompassed qualities such as wisdom, courage and justice.

• René Descartes said, “The supreme good consists in virtue, which is a firm and constant resolution to use the will well.” In a letter to Princess Elisabeth of Bohemia, Descartes presented his personal definition of “virtue” as being “a firm and constant resolution to carry out whatever reason recommends without being diverted by [one’s] passions or appetites.”

• Immanuel Kant likewise believed that human beings had a higher moral calling he dubbed “Categorical Imperative.” Kant believed that moral laws are universal and are centered around acting in the benefit of mankind.

As can be seen, it has been widely believed through the ages by different philosophers that a “meaningful” or “good” life (I believe the two terms are synonymous) comes from virtue, and therefore seeking to be virtuous will bring meaning to life. This virtue has included the idea of moral and ethical standards that apply to mankind as a whole, not unique to an individual or a particular society. An example of such a virtue is that of acting for the benefit of mankind even at the expense of one’s personal benefit. This is an indication that virtue is an objective concept which can be studied. Therefore, seeking to understand virtue, where it comes from, what it is, and implementing it into one’s life will bring meaning into one’s life.

I concede that my argument begs the question of the nature of virtue. The philosophers I have mentioned widely agreed on what encompasses virtue, and that it includes temperance, courage, justice, and wisdom. Plato believed these to be the four cardinal virtues from which all other good qualities stem. While applied in different ways, Plato’s cardinal virtues are held on a basic level in every culture throughout time, as far as can be known in history. This coincides with Kant’s idea that morality can be universally applied. Therefore, one can reasonably believe that there exists some form of objective morality. If this is the case, then it deserves to be studied.

Going a Step Further

A virtuous character is widely defined as, “How you act when nobody’s looking.” The pursuit of “good” behavior alone, the legalistic following of socially proscribed rules and ethics, however, may lead an individual to follow a set of dogma over the well-being of his or her fellow man. This may be seen, for example, when a soldier carries out the commander’s orders, but in doing so, commits atrocities against others. Virtue, then, becomes virtue only in relationship to others. To people of faith, “other” also includes God. The term that Christians would use to summarize the philosophers’ emphasis on virtue as following standards that apply to all people, for the good of people, carried out in relationship with people for their good, is “love.” Whether or not someone believes in God, most people will find themselves empty and dissatisfied if their sense of virtue doesn’t lead them to form healthy relationships with other human beings. This can be obtained by virtuous living as defined by acting in consideration for others. Therefore virtue brings life meaning insofar as it helps us to have healthy relationships with others.

From a Christian perspective, virtue must first connect a person with God in a loving relationship. God provides them with an objective standard of morality or virtue applicable to all mankind, and provides a model through His own actions. From a theist’s perspective, the belief that there is an omnipotent, benevolent God present in our lives with whom we can have a relationship is of great importance.

Lewis’ philosophies often echoed that of Blaise Pascal. Pascal said, “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.” Pascal had some rather odd theology from a Christian point of view, but from a philosophical standpoint, I agree with his view that a relationship with God (by a conventional Christian definition) is the logical conclusion of what gives life meaning. Further, if someone believes in an afterlife and the immortality of the human soul, then that brings a deeper level of meaningfulness to our relationships in this life.

C.S. Lewis said in Mere Christianity, “If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark.” Lewis believed that the meaning of life was in the pursuit of what he called “Joy,” a sense of wonder and fulfillment, which could only be derived from knowing God. In The Weight of Glory, he wrote, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

A little girl once wrote Lewis’ friend and colleague, J.R.R Tolkien a letter asking, “What is the purpose of life?” Tolkien’ answered’s reply was, “So it may be said that the chief purpose of life for any one of us, is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks.” His reasoning was that if the Creator of the universe made us with a purpose, knowing Him would reveal to us all meaning.

Delving into the beliefs of these philosophers, it can be deduced that the answer to the question, “What is the meaning of life?” is simply to have a loving relationship with God. Our textbook asks, “Why has God created us, and why us in particular? What does God expect from us? Some people think that God created us as something special, not only ‘in His own image’ but with a mission to accomplish for him here on earth. But why would he do that, if he can do anything?”

The only thing God cannot do (from a logical standpoint) is to force us to love Him, because love cannot, by definition, be forced. He created us with the potential to have a relationship with Him for our mutual joy. We engage in this relationship in much the same way we engage in human relationships. We can talk to God (via prayer), listen to Him (via meditation and the study of scripture), and act out of consideration for Him (which entails acting out of consideration for the other people He created). Christians, specifically, consider a relationship with God to be based on love, which offers a sense of security.

Nihilism

An opposing view would be nihilism; the belief that life is without meaning. If life is without meaning, it’s very strange that we should even question it. For what purpose would the human organism evolve to have a sense of existentialism if our lives had no inherent meaning? Nihilism as a philosophy contradicts human nature, which is strange in and of itself if nihilism is true.

The idea of nihilism can be a comforting idea to fall back on, because it means that the individual can simply choose a purpose for life as it happens to suit the person in the moment. Hedonism is a logical conclusion to come to: if we choose life’s meaning, why not live to indulge our every pleasure?

But imagine a society where everyone took that concept to the extreme. There would be no inherent value to acts of charity, helping others, or even common courtesy. A society of nihilists would be a society of incredibly self-centered and rude or even abusive people, and would quickly become dysfunctional. The only logical reason that a nihilist would not ignore others’ boundaries in order to please self would be fear of some sort of retribution.

The most emotionally intelligent and well-liked nihilists are those who take pleasure in being kind to others. If the nihilists who derive their meaning from acts of virtue are the most healthy, sociable and fulfilled, isn’t that rather telling? Thus, exploring the inevitable outcome of nihilism brings one back to an inherent sense of virtue.

A Side Note

I would strongly differentiate between what makes a person’s life meaningful and what gives them value as a person. A person who goes out, does remarkable works of charity and has lots of healthy relationships might have a “fuller” life than an antisocial couch-potato, but that does not necessarily mean they are more valuable as a human being. This premise of inherent value comes from my Christian theology and the belief in souls, but others may make the same argument stemming from the human capability for empathy and compassion. Anyone who thinks their value is in how well they put virtue into practice will inevitably end up feeling burned-out and weighed down by guilt, as none of us can live up to our ideals.

Conclusion

These are reasons for concluding that virtue is an objective concept which brings meaning to life as a means of developing healthy relationships, and subsequently, healthier societies. Virtue does not equate a human’s inherent value, but it simply gives a sense of purpose and fulfillment. A relationship with God is the ultimate source of fulfillment.

Sources:

Plato – Dialogue form | Britannica. (2019). In Encyclopædia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Plato/Dialogue-form#ref281699

Reporter, E. (2022, January 9). René Descartes: The Meaning of Life — Virtue, Mind & Doubt. https://excellencereporter.com/2022/01/09/rene-descartes-the-meaning-of-life-virtue-mind-doubt/

Noa Naaman-Zauderer. (2015). Virtue. Cambridge University Press EBooks, 747–753. https://doi.org/10.1017/cbo9780511894695.255

Johnson, R., & Cureton, A. (2004, February 23). Kant’s Moral Philosophy. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy;

Stanford University. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/kant-moral/

Clarke, D. (2007, August 21). Blaise Pascal (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy). Stanford.edu. Blaise Pascal (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)Lewis, C. S. (2012). Mere Christianity. William Collins.

Lewis, C. S. (2009). The Weight of Glory.

Pascal, Blaise, 1623-1662. ( 1966). Pascal’s Pensées. Harmondsworth, England :Penguin Books,

Tolkien, J. R. R. (1981). The letters of J.R.R. Tolkien. Houghton Mifflin.

Church & Ministry Life, Faith and Hope, Love & Relationships, Social Issues

Christians Responding to Religious Trauma

Posted on 12/07/2024 by Anna

Searching “Religious Trauma” online opens up a slew of heartbreaking stories of people who have been deeply wounded by various churches. When someone is mistreated by a religious community, it can seem evident to born-again Christians that the perpetrating community in question does not actually understand or teach scripture. However, saying something like, “It doesn’t sound like that church believes the gospel or knows Jesus.” Will often be met with, “You say that, but I’ve had bad experiences in all the churches I’ve been to. Christians are just toxic.”

It’s definitely worthwhile to reflect upon how healthy a church’s dynamic is and how they impact their community. However, it’s simply not true that all churches are toxic and dysfunctional. Why, then, does it feel that way to many people?

Churches are supposed to be safe places.

Many, if not most people expect churches to be safe places and it comes as a terrible shock when someone encounters wrong teaching or bad behavior from church members, especially ministers.

Ideally, smaller church congregations would operate as loving families, acknowledging other congregations as being united with them as part of one, global church. This is the dynamic shown in the New Testament with the first churches springing to life. When a church congregation or denomination tolerates sin or bad leadership, Christians may become disillusioned with their community and start having negative associations with anything relating to church.

Churches are made out of people, and people can be terrible.

Everyone is bound to hurt someone else sooner or later in any group of people; whether it be a family, a circle of friends, a workplace, or a church. That’s simply the nature of relationships. Granted, everyone should cut abusive relationships from their life, but it’s impossible to find a circle of people who always act like Jesus.

There are cases when someone is mistreated by a fellow church-goer, and the best course of action would be to simply, “let it go,” or else talk about the issue and seek reconciliation. Instead of that, sometimes a person may choose to hold on to the wrong done to them and allow it to skew their outlook on the church as a whole.

Many churches have genuinely gone off the rails.

It is a sad reality that there are many, many religious communities in existence who have lost sight of the Truth, relying instead on stale tradition or worldly impulses. Such communities are sure to breed immorality such as gossip, shame, self-righteousness, and never-ending conflict. There are churches which are cultic, run authoritatively by narcissistic ministers. These communities shouldn’t come as a surprise to us, however, because the Bible itself warns against them.

The proverbial “wolves in sheep’s clothing” comes from Matthew chapter 7 when Jesus said in verses 15-17, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit.”

What are examples of good fruit from a church congregation? That would be “The Fruit of the Spirit” – the signs of the Holy Spirit at work.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

–Galatians 5:22-23

When people present themselves as Christians and abuse others, it can ruin a person’s perception of God, just like an abusive relative can ruin a person’s perception of family. If a church congregation is not centered on God, we won’t see the fruit of His Spirit. We’ll see a congregation constantly wallowing in everything contrary to the Holy Spirit: fear, hopelessness, anxiety, selfishness, evil, unreliability, harshness and intractability.

A person who has spent many years in an environment such as this may take many more years to un-learn what they have been taught to think God is like. Being immersed in a perverse community which taught them falsehoods about God and His word can be traumatic to a person, and they can only be approached prayerfully and with compassion. We may desire to speak truth to a religiously traumatized person, but we must be careful to do it in the right way with God’s love.

“Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

–Ephesians 4:14-16

Responding in Love and Compassion

@cheekymisfitt
its a struggle 🙃 #altchristian #christianweeb #fyp #christiantiktok #religioustrauma #christianity #jesus #prayer #worship
♬ original sound – shelbz ✟⊹⁺

Once when I was a child, I was visiting a farm and another child provoked a rooster. That rooster lashed out at me and left a big gash on my knee. To this day, I still feel apprehensive around roosters. Someone could point out that I only ever had one bad experience with a rooster, but some level of anxiety still remains for me. Telling me that “Not all roosters will attack you,” doesn’t help.

Trauma can cause prejudiced or globalized feelings towards an entire group of people. Someone who grew up in a dysfunctional church may genuinely feel that all churches have unhealthy dynamics. Such a person may not be ready to hear about a healthy Christian community because even the mention of church spikes their anxiety. Telling them “your faith is in people, not in God” won’t take away their pain or negative associations with religious institutions.

Understandably, a person who has been sexually abused may struggle in maintaining a romantic relationship, or they may be apprehensive of sex. However, though countless people have been sexually abused, that doesn’t mean that sex itself is evil. Likewise, though someone may have been abused by someone in a position of spiritual leadership, that doesn’t mean that Christianity is something to fear. But it will certainly take time for an abuse victim to heal.

The greatest tragedy is when a dysfunctional church has skewed someone’s perception of God. If someone has had a traumatic experience in church, it’s not our job to “save” them. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job. Trying to humanly convince a spiritually traumatized person that belief in the gospel leads to joy and freedom from shame will probably be a fruitless endeavor. The kindest things Christians can do for people who have experienced religious trauma is to offer a sympathetic ear and, above all else, pray.

Church & Ministry Life, Social Issues

Can Women Lead and Teach?

Posted on 05/10/2021 by Anna

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.

-Psalm 119:105

For many years I’ve thought about what the Bible says about the roles women play in edifying the church. There are scriptures which seem to forbid women from leadership and teaching positions, but then there are also stories about women who are in leadership and teaching positions. All scripture is sacred as the inspired word of God, and heaven forbid we should undermine any part of it.

How then should a godly woman minister if her gifts are suited to teaching and leadership positions?

1 Timothy 2:12

“I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.“

1 Corinthians 14:34-35

“the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.”

These are verses which say that women are not allowed to lead or teach in the church, but rather must remain silent. However, there are passages in the Bible where women are leading and teaching, and Paul thanks them. What, then, are we to conclude?

There are many, many instances in scripture in where God places women in roles of teaching and leadership. Just to list a few:

Deborah

In Judges 4-5, we find the story of Deborah; a national leader ordained by God.

Mary Magdalene

In John 20:8, when Mary Magdalene saw Jesus after His resurrection, he told her to go and share the good news with the Disciples. She was the first person to share the news that Jesus had risen from the dead — in that sense she can be viewed as the first evangelist.

Phoebe

In Romans 16:1, Paul sends his regards to a deacon named Phoebe.

In Acts 21:8-9 we see that Phillip had four unmarried daughters who prophesied. These are just a few examples of the many female leaders and teachers in the Bible. There are so many more found throughout the ages that I don’t think they can be counted as exceptions. Furthermore, if we start saying that women can’t teach in the church, then were are we to draw the line? Can they teach a mixed-gendered Sunday School? If they can’t teach in church, can they teach in schools? Can they teach at seminars? Can they teach their male family members?

From my own personal studies, I think it can be concluded that when Paul forbad women from teaching in churches it was for a specific situation and era. Paul often spoke to specific situations in the churches he knew. Imagine if we applied all of his advice to today’s church. (Imagine greeting people at church by kissing them.)

Not also in 1 Timothy when he says, “I don’t allow a woman to teach.” He did not say, “God does not allow a woman to teach.”

When talking about marriage, Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:6-12,

^“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.”

All scripture is accurate and God-breathed, however Paul specified when he was stating his own personal thoughts rather than a timeless command from The Lord. Note that the wording he uses in 1 Corinthians 7:6-12 to indicate his own thoughts is similar to the wording he used in 1 Timothy 2:7.

The question is how do we discern what commandments in the Bible are basic moral principals and what were instructions for a specific time and situation? How do we know what parts of the Bible apply to us today? It goes without saying that we as Christians want to be very careful to not hold the word of God as being disregardable, echoing Psalm 119:11,

I have stored up your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.

The Holy Spirit has promised to lead us to all truth (John 16:13). We can ask Him for help and discernment in all areas of our lives — He’s eager to help us better understand His word! Here are some things a person may keep in mind when reading the Bible:

Take the whole of scripture into consideration, not just one verse. Look at the verse, passage, chapter, book author and testament/covenant to understand the correct context.
Take special note of moral commands which are repeated throughout both the Old and New Testaments.
It’s important to also understand the cultural context of scripture. While the books of the Bible were written in a different time and culture, the messages remain relevant. Try to find reliable sources which could help you understand how the original audience would have understood the text.

A separate issue which is frequently brought up in churches is the subject of women serving specifically as a church’s pastor. A pastor’s role entails more than just preaching. This is a subject I would like to explore in more detail in a later post. I pray that God gives me wisdom in studying His word.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

Faith and Hope, Social Issues

Being Teachable

Posted on 16/10/2018 by Anna

“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates reproof is stupid.”

–Proverbs 12:1

Being teachincable is a vital quality every person should have — yet it’s so rare. Both pride and low self-esteem make us resistant to instructions and offended at critism, even the constructive kind. I myself struggle with this, and when I do it hinders my growth.

When we refuse to listen to any kind of feedback or critisim we cheat ourselves. Knowing who we are in Christ will make us wise and humble, and when we’re wise and humble we’ll become more teachable.

The Bible teaches us that since we are loved, valued and forgiven, we don’t need to fear our short commings since our faliures don’t affect God’s love for us. So when someone points out something wrong in our life we can know that doesn’t determin our value.

We also should be open to being teachable since only God knows everything and we know comparitively nothing. It’s hard when our longest-held or most fundimental belifes are challenged, but we must remain open to correction and growth.

Psalms 147:4-5

He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.

We must, above all, be open to what we read in the Bible. To not be open to what God has given us in the Bible will lead us down a dangerous road.

Being open to correction will not only help us grow closer to God, but will also help us have healthy relationships with others. May The Holy Spirit help us to have teachable hearts.

“Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord,
    or what man shows him his counsel?
Whom did he consult,
    and who made him understand?
Who taught him the path of justice,
    and taught him knowledge,
    and showed him the way of understanding?”

–Isaiah 40:13-14

Love & Relationships, Social Issues

God’s Ideal for Husbands and Wives

Posted on 07/05/201801/05/2018 by Anna

As I stated in my previous blog post, “Patriarchy and How it Departs From God’s Desires For Society,” the world views male headship as the man telling the family what to do and the family obeying (and many Christians teach this). In contrast God’s intention was that the man and woman are a unit which cannot function without each other — they just have different roles. Adam was given the job of dominion, or stewarding, the world, but then shown by God that he could not do this by himself, and was given Eve to complete what was not complete in Adam. For one thing, Adam was told to fill the earth and subdue it; really hard to accomplish without Eve! Adam, as one single man, could not subdue the earth – it would take people filling the earth, each stewarding their little part of the earth. So Adam could only fill God’s mandate in conjunction with Eve.

In an ideal marriage, both man and woman are submitting to the authority of God to obey the individual mandates God has given them, and that it’s only in their working together that they can fulfill what God has called them to do.
Here is an analogy: In Lifeflight, the pilot and medical person receive an order from “the boss” to go save someone’s life. The pilot flies there and gives directions to the medic about when to jump out, get the patient and load him in. The pilot has this designated authority, but without the cooperation and the added skills of the medic, the patient will die. The medic is successful in his mission of saving the patient because of the pilot, and the pilot is successful in his mission of saving the patient because of the medic.

In the same way, Eve did not help Adam to fill the role the God gave Adam to protect and steward her because she didn’t seek his guidance, and Adam did not help Eve to fill the role God gave her to be fruitful, and bring only life instead of death into the world.

As we can see in Genesis 3:16, sin impacted this because in rejecting God’s authority, man and woman were now no longer brought together in joyful, mutual submission to God. They each began to desire to be their own authority, and so conflict with God and with each other began. They suddenly reflected the nature of Satan, didn’t they? Thus the beautiful mutual benefit that man and woman gave to each other became twisted. The Spirit begins to redeem these roles and mutual godliness to their original glory, but apart from the Spirit, when men and women seek to be their own authority or when others take the authority over others that belongs to God, very ugly things happen.

The point of the wife’s compliance is to help the husband obey Christ fully in his job of stewarding his family. When the husband understands this, he must seek his wife’s input, knowing that she is a gift from God to help him. He certainly would not regard her as a child, or inferior as that is not the role God has given. In turn, the wife must understand that when she respects her husband she is acting as a tool or influence of Christ in his life. She recognizes the honor of being trusted by God to be the physical expression of the Spirit’s work. Even if her husband is a moron, she understands that she is serving Christ in this. Christ came to save morons, even if they ultimately rejected Him.
This is why God does not listen to a man’s prayers if he mistreats his wife, because that man is ignoring the work of the Spirit through her. It is noble work. It reflects what the Spirit Himself does in our lives.

Of course, if the husband is telling the wife to ignore the authority of God, he is telling her to obey his authority, which is just what the serpent did in the garden. Clearly, the wife needs to obey God in this matter.

The world battles a lot about control issues, but much more rarely so we hear about “how do we, as a couple, fulfill what God has asked us to do, that we cannot do by ourselves?” This is not just the “fill the earth” part (sometimes couples don’t have kids), it is showing the world many aspects of God that can only be shown by a couple, such as what covenant love is, faithfulness, a picture of the Trinity (Spirit-husband-wife), etc. Sometimes, sadly, married couples try to fulfill God’s mandate as two individuals who happen to live together, rather than as two-becoming-one. They don’t understand God’s purpose and witness to the world through marriage.

A husband’s role is like a priest. The priest’s role was to help the people come into the presence of God. That’s what the leadership was; “Come learn to love God and to obey Him.” The husband guides and supports his wife into submission to Christ. Of course, the Bible says in Ephesians 5:18-21 that we are all to submit to each other in Christ,
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
So also, 1 Peter 2:9 says we are all priests!
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
The purpose of wives’ submission to husbands is to guide and support husbands into submission to Christ too.

Again, marriage reflects the Trinity, where Jesus obeyed the Father, and the Father glorified Jesus, and within the totality of the Trinity, they brought Believers into relationship with Themselves. The Father draws us, the Son redeems us, the Spirit transforms us. They each have 100% honor and glory, but they humble themselves, they honor each other, they are truthful with each other, they communicate, they love each other etc, and they work together in their various roles to bring about all that is righteousness and love in us and through us. This is the ideal of marriage too.

Church & Ministry Life, Social Issues

Patriarchy and How it Departs From God’s Desires For Society

Posted on 30/04/201801/05/2018 by Anna

The definition of patriarchy according to the Oxford Dictionary of English:

ˈpeɪtrɪɑːki/
noun
noun: patriarchy
1. a system of society or government in which the father or eldest male is head of the family and descent is reckoned through the male line.
“the thematic relationships of the ballad are worked out according to the conventional archetypes of the patriarchy”
-a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it.
“the dominant ideology of patriarchy”
-a society or community organized on patriarchal lines.
plural noun: patriarchies
“we live in a patriarchy”

Why Are Most Cultures Patriarchal?
In the beginning Adam saw that while every animal had a mate, he was alone. Thus God amazingly made Eve out of Adam’s flesh to be his companion and helper. This makes it clear that God was trying to teach Adam how important Eve was. After spending a period of time alone, Adam could really appreciate Eve more and know how much he really needed her.
After the fall, God said to Eve, “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16) Or as The NLT translates it, “And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”
Part of the curse placed on mankind was a battle between sexes; a fight for dominance. We see women trying to be controlling and manipulative while men continually push them down.
To sociologists it’s a bit of a mystery why patriarchy has continually prevailed in the vast majority of cultures. A simple theory suggests that women generally tend to stay at home with the children while the men go out and see the world, and so thus patriarchal system easily falls into place. On top of that, men are commonly physically stronger than women, making it hard for women to compete or stand up to them.

God clearly worked through patriarchs: Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, David, the prophets etc. When we look carefully at the patriarchs of the Bible, we see that these were men who were obedient servants of God, fulfilling His will by His power. The world focuses on the authority of the patriarch. The Bible focuses on the authority of God, expressed through the patriarch.

(Notice though how they all endured some humbling first, to learn submission and dependence on God!)

How Patriarchy Departs From God’s Desires For Society
In political spheres, there have been many great female leaders. I’m going to stick to analyzing patriarchy in the family unit, however, because this is where a society’s morals stem from. Ephesians 5:22–33 says this,

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

The Bible calls the husband the head of the wife. If a husband is not following Christ, then this makes for terrible issues in a family. God does not approve of those behaviors which arise when men selfishly abuse their headship. This is why Ephesians 5:22 tells wives to, submit to your own husbands, AS TO THE LORD. Wives are to respect and help their husbands with decision-making, but if their husband is making choices outside of what is biblical then they must not disobey God.
If a husband isn’t leading properly then wives must pray and follow Christ as their head. Patriarchal rule covers up and ignores abuse, giving the man the right to force his wife and kids to do what he wants — which is unscriptural and unchristlike. The headship of a husband does not give him permission to be abusive physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. just as Christ didn’t abuse His church.
A woman should be able to voice her thoughts, but ultimately decision-making on behalf of the family unit is placed on the shoulders of the husband. A family can be like a committee, each member voicing thoughts and opinions about decisions. Eventually a conclusion will need to be made by someone, and that someone should preferably be the husband. If, after the decision is made the wife continues to argue, nothing will ever be accomplished, which is why I believe the Bible reminds women to be submissive. A responsible family leader, however, will certainly listen to his wife and children and take their desires into account when making decisions for the family. If a man’s wife is particularly wise in a certain area, or if she also has good leadership abilities then it’s especially important for a man to listen to her. Patriarchal rule, on the other hand, does not take women into account at all and excludes them from decision making.
When the Bible tells a woman to submit to her husband, people leave out the context. Husbands are instructed to love their wives, and respect and sacrifice is a part of love. We are individually responsible for our actions and have direct access to God, which is why Jesus died and rose again to provide salvation.

Another important note I would like to make is that people often confuse cultural gender roles with God’s ordained family order. In many cultures Christians hold the idea that, morally speaking, a man should work outside the home and be the main breadwinner, while the wife should be a homemaker. That’s not necessarily right, as nowhere in the Bible does it say that a man must be the main financial provider. Most men do desire to be the main provider, but if in a family unit it works out that the wife is the main breadwinner while the man does more of the homemaking, or if they both share these tasks equally, there’s no shame in that. As Christians, husbands and wives must both work hard, be productive and be involved with their children, but how that manifests will look different depending on cultural and individual circumstances.

God’s ordained family order simply specifies that the husband’s role is in leadership and facilitation of the family, while the wife is to help him and respect his decisions in a wise, godly way.

In conclusion, patriarchy is restrictive to both men and women and is harmful on many levels. While it’s recorded in the Bible as the history of mankind, it was never God’s desire or intention and has strayed from what His desire for mankind was. We can thank Christ that He makes all things new.

Social Issues

Forbidden Grief

Posted on 01/03/2018 by Anna

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
–Matthew 5:4

At times it seems like in church circles we aren’t allowed to be depressed, sad or despondent around other Christians. While most Christians recognize the acceptability of grieving over a death, many Christians view grieving over other types of losses as either complaining, refusal to accept the will of God or letting your emotions override your faith in God — all of which are sin. This is a tricky one because sometimes it is those things. Sometimes though, in the desire to be a “good Christian,” people do not allow themselves to experience their grief.
A lady who grew up in ministry circles overseas said, “This was certainly true of me. My mind was full of examples like that in Hebrews about how they joyfully accepted the confiscation of their possessions for the sake of Christ, and that I should deny myself, and consider it joy when I encounter trials. So for every ‘forbidden’ grief, I quickly and firmly clamped down on emotions using Scripture as the manhole cover over the poisonous fumes of the septic tank of upset feelings.”

Common “forbidden griefs”

A “forbidden grief” is any grief you feel you must deny or hide, so that could be just about anything. Common ones include:
a) suffering due to bad decisions or consequences to sin (you deserve that)
b) suffering for Christ (you’re supposed to count it all joy)
c) grieving things that are wants but not needs (God is not Santa Claus, be grateful for what you have)
d) disappointed expectations in God, in church or in other believers
e) the list can go for a long time!

A breakup, a move, the loss of a pet, hurt from a friend — anything which changes your life indefinitely — can cause grief. We might not be fully aware of how we’re feeling, and we find that we’re carrying around a heaviness which we can’t quite recognize.

Complaining vs. lamenting.

We know complaining is a sin, and lamenting was done by Jesus, so it is a righteous thing to do. What’s the difference? (I’d like to hear your thoughts on it!) Here is what I think about, though. Lamenting is not arguing with God, it is expressing feelings about a situation that one has accepted from the hand of God, like Jesus pleading, “If you can, take this cup away…” (Luke 22:42) It is not expressing rebellion, but rather, a very human struggle to submit, to find a way to continue on through loss and pain.

Complaining, on the other hand, is slandering the character of God. It is saying, “I am the center, and God is failing to please me. I do not trust His goodness, so I am not grateful.” After seeing all that God had done for them, the Israelites still hardened their hearts against believing in Him and trusting Him:

Psalm 95:8-10

“If only you would listen to his voice today!
The Lord says, “Don’t harden your hearts as Israel did at Meribah,
as they did at Massah in the wilderness.
For there your ancestors tested and tried my patience,
even though they saw everything I did.
For forty years I was angry with them, and I said,
‘They are a people whose hearts turn away from me.
They refuse to do what I tell them.’

Complaining is turning your heart away from God, lamenting is bringing your pain to God.

The Book of Lamentations

Lamentations is expressing the ultimate in “forbidden grief.” It is mourning losses that are a direct consequence of sin, a well-deserved punishment from God. We would say, “You made your bed, now lie in it!” But God never says that to the author. He allowed the author to pour out his grief as the thoughts and feelings came, and He preserved it as part of His inspired Word. This was mind-boggling to me; the thought that God valued the expression of His peoples’ grieving so much that out of all the things He could have selected, He chose to put their lament in His Book.

Psalm 56:8
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

I saw that when we open our vulnerable inner selves to God, He treasures it; He treasures us. There is no “forbidden grief” on His list.

Lamentations is publically expressed grief.
There is no hint here that it is spiritual maturity to have full control of your emotions, or that it is a sign of faith in God to be stoical about the things that hurt. This author pours it out in public and invites others to join him. It’s not a quiet 5-minute suppressed sniffling at a funeral, it is crying out the hurt, long and loud. Here is what we see can result from public lamenting:

a) It becomes a shared experience that bonds us, makes us feel less alone in our grief, and lightens the load of grief as we carry it together.
b) It gives us the chance to share different perspectives, Scriptures, encouragements etc so that any one person is less at risk of getting permanently stuck in their grief.
c) It brings us as a people (a church) to a place of dependence and calling on God, humbling us, cleansing us, and (hopefully) resulting in renewed worship.
d) It models how to lament our grief to others. It shows others how to get their pain out and let us be with them in that pain. The Bible says to imitate our leaders, which implies, I believe, that our leaders lament their grief so we can see how we also can be like Jesus, a people “of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” (Isaiah 53:3)
e) It can serve as a witness to our brothers and sisters and the outside world as they see our pain, but as we turn to God in it, He is there. Look how Job’s lamenting has encouraged believers over the centuries.

God actually encourages public lament. It becomes a doorway that, as we open it, allows God to enter into very vulnerable places in our hearts, both privately and corporately.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”

“a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”

Lamentations describes a process of grief.
It’s a journey with shifting perspectives between internal and external focus, despair and hope, downs and ups and downs again. Lamentations teaches us that there is no rush to resolve things, that it is OK to let grief unfold just the way it happens to do so in your mind and heart. Therefore, although the lament is shared, the grieving process will be different for everyone; this is not a moral issue, merely one of individuality.

God invites us to more than a simple relief from pain He invites us to share our burdens and sorrows on Him, because He cares for us. No matter how deep our sadness is, however, we can know that we have hope in Jesus, who makes all things come together for our good. As Lamentations 3:22-24 says,

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul,
‘therefore I will hope in him.'”

Love & Relationships, Social Issues

Is It A Moral Duty To Have Children?

Posted on 22/02/201822/02/2018 by Anna

It’s an obvious fact that most people like kids. I myself look forward to the day when my husband and I have little ones of our own. However, I hear many people talk about having children as if it’s a moral duty for couples to reproduce. If a couple doesn’t have kids then they’re treated like there’s something very wrong with them and/or they’re living in sin.
This is a very common attitude which I’ve observed, but there are some couples who seem to have had children for selfish motives, and their kids suffer for it. I wondered if it’s possible for people to have kids for the wrong reasons, and I wondered if it’s truly a moral duty for all couples to reproduce. Thinking of a wise, godly person with children of her own to give me a detailed answer, I made the obvious choice and asked my mother.

She sent me the following email:

Anna, you asked whether couples have a moral duty to have children. It’s an interesting discussion, isn’t it? Here are some thoughts of mine.

1. Each time the earth was empty, at creation and after the flood, God told people to be fruitful and fill it.

To Adam and Eve – Genesis 1:28 “And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'”

Genesis 9:1, ” And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.'”

Does this mean that we are sinning if we are not doing this?
A. The Bible says God opens and closes wombs, so we know that childlessness in itself is not sinful. God would never cause sin. Infertile couples are not sinning, nor is their infertility necessarily a result of sin (e.g. Hannah and Sarah, God closed their wombs for many years, but not due to sin, it was because He had particular purpose for their lives.)
B. Paul said that he chose to remain single. In choosing that, he was choosing not to be fruitful and multiply. The Bible indicates that this is a good thing if people are gifted for singleness. Again, singleness and childlessness is good if it is being used for God’s purposes and glory.
C. The admonition to be fruitful and fill the earth may have been intended for the people as a nation, not necessarily for each individual (even though it was spoken to individuals who were beginning the nations). Another example of a command with this difference is that when someone murdered someone else, Israel as a nation was commanded to kill the murderer, but the relatives were not to get revenge on the murderer as individuals.

We are made in the image of God, who creates and cares for His creation. So my belief is that, in most cases, people who are emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy will find a desire in their hearts to have children. However, it seems clear to me that some will not have this desire, and that lack of desire may be there by God’s purpose in their life.

2. The Bible makes is clear that children are a blessing from the Lord, so some argue that if you reject God’s blessing (like Esau scorned his birthright or people reject salvation) then you are rejecting God Himself. For this reason, some people, like the Duggar family, who have 21 kids, will not use birth control. My argument against that is that God expects His blessings to be used wisely by us. Food is also a blessing, but the Bible says it’s gluttony to eat without restraint. If it’s OK to say no to food sometimes, it’s OK to say no to kids sometimes, logically. Kids are indeed a blessing, but these verses aren’t commanding you to have kids, they’re simply saying that if you have them, understand that they were gifted to you by God and value them accordingly.

3. Paul told Timothy 1 Timothy 5:14 “So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” But what was the sin he was speaking against in this case? He was not calling singleness, nor childlessness, a sin. He was concerned because these young women were acting as gossips and busybodies, stirring up trouble and disunity, and he was telling Timothy, “They need to be busy with something productive in their lives.”

4. There is a cultural aspect. In group-oriented societies, especially where there isn’t much in the way of social security or retirement savings, adult children are expected to care for the elderly. So putting in the hard work of raising responsible children is like what we do in America in setting aside funds for our retirement. It’s work and a sacrifice, but by doing so, you are the wise steward that God called all of us to be, and are not a drain on society in your aged years. Interestingly, even in America often the reason people don’t want kids is because they don’t want to put the work into raising them (saying “I wouldn’t be a good parent” meaning, “I’m not willing to deny my own desires and comfort to raise a child”) and they expect tax-payer money (i.e. the rest of society) to support them in a comfortable way when they’re old. So there is a moral element in that attitude, and that’s where the sin lies, a refusal to be self-disciplined, to make sacrifices and to work as God told us to.

5. Some people have good reasons for not having children. If there is a marriage with active alcoholism, domestic violence, mental illness, a really unstable marriage, or such extreme poverty that there’s not enough food for the people already in the family, I would advise those couples not to have kids until the issue was taken care of. Proverbs calls us to be wise and take an accounting before we embark on a project, and although there is no such thing as a problem-free home, there are families in which the problems are serious enough to have a very high likelihood of harming the child, at least emotionally.

6. Some people choose to have children for very sinful reasons. They do it to collect welfare, or to try to make the man stay with them when they’re not married, or to be the center of attention etc, and not because they love God or the child.

My conclusion is that having or not having children is not in itself the moral issue. It’s the reason why you make your choice that has a moral element. Everything we do should be for the glory of God. If a couple decided not to have kids because they are called to travel all over the world evangelizing and it wouldn’t be good to leave the child behind with relatives all the time, then I believe God would be pleased with their choice (it’s a situation like Paul’s). Other couples might find that having children opens doors for them to witness that they wouldn’t otherwise have (like our friend Vickie who is the only Christian mom at her daughter’s pre-school, and witnesses to the other moms).

This is what I think:
A. As in everything, believers should seek God’s will in the matter, and ask Him to guide the desires of their heart in His direction.
B. One must not only ask, “Should we have kids, God?” But also, “When?” God’s answer may not be super clear. He may simply work through the person’s desires or through common-sense circumstances.
C. There is nothing wrong with longing for children and asking God for them (like Hannah), nor is there anything wrong with not wanting children, those are just feelings. But one should also ask God to reveal any wrong motives that might be there, and He will be faithful to do that if it’s a problem.

Social Issues

More Than Enough

Posted on 22/03/201719/09/2025 by Anna

And the LORD said to Aaron, “You shall have no inheritance in their land, neither shall you have any portion among them. I am your portion and your inheritance among the people of Israel.

–Numbers 18:20

God opens blind eyes to speak His glory into the world, so why hasn’t He given me what I’ve asked Him for?

God gives us what we need and removes what we don’t need. When we pray, we must not do it with our needs and desires in mind. We must pray in humility, submitting to God’s will, however it may differ from ours. So often God denies us what we ask Him for in order to give us something more wonderful than we could ever imagined.

If God had answered my prayer as a teenager to become a missionary in Honduras, I would never have gone to Asia and met my wonderful husband.

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

–Romans 2:4

Every blessing He pours out on us is for us to glorify Him with. His great desire is purely for us to turn to Him, so that we can be in relationship with Him.

God is much more than merely our provider. He Himself is our provision, our portion; He is everything a person needs.

Lamentations 3:22-27

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.

He created the universe and all words, spiritual and physical. He formed the earth and everything in it. He knows even our secret thought which we have never spoken out loud. His presence is too glorious for words.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

–Psalm 73:26

No Coward Soul Is Mine

By Emily Brontë

No coward soul is mine

No trembler in the world’s storm-troubled sphere

I see Heaven’s glories shine

And Faith shines equal arming me from Fear

O God within my breast

Almighty ever-present Deity

Life, that in me hast rest,

As I Undying Life, have power in Thee

Vain are the thousand creeds

That move men’s hearts, unutterably vain,

Worthless as withered weeds

Or idlest froth amid the boundless main

To waken doubt in one

Holding so fast by thy infinity,

So surely anchored on

The steadfast rock of Immortality.

With wide-embracing love

Thy spirit animates eternal years

Pervades and broods above,

Changes, sustains, dissolves, creates and rears

Though earth and moon were gone

And suns and universes ceased to be

And Thou wert left alone

Every Existence would exist in thee

There is not room for Death

Nor atom that his might could render void

Since thou art Being and Breath

And what thou art may never be destroyed.

Social Issues

Being Gracious and Compassionate

Posted on 04/02/201719/09/2025 by Anna

The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

–Psalm 145:8

Weeping With Those Who Weep

I used to feel guilty because after a squabble with a friend, I am shaken and upset. Meanwhile, some people I know have lived and carried themselves well through traumatic events. Recently someone I know lost custody of 13 adopted children due to a false allegation from a fake pastor. The manner in which the officials took the children away was horrible. And this lady has miscarried twice. I feel guilty because how can I have a heavy heart when others are experiencing so much more pain then me?

My mom said something wise:

“Stress is stress. I look at it this way: If someone pours 10 gallons of water over me, I am completely wet. If someone pours 100 gallons of water over me, I am completely wet. Once I am completely wet, the amount of water doesn’t make much difference. Depression is going to feel like depression, misery like misery, no matter the cause.

If a 2 year old cries because her balloon popped, or a 10 year old cries because her dog died, they are both equally broken-hearted.

Having said that, experience, thinking and coping skills will impact what makes you feel depressed. Experience gives you a different perspective and things that once seemed almost unbearable become “one of those things” that happen…

God will put in each person’s life the things they need in order to become more like Christ, and the things that will glorify Him. Your feelings are important to Him, and they are your feelings, your personal response, like being hungry, or too hot, even when others aren’t. So get that snack or take your sweater off or feel disappointed whenever you need to!”

Something which may not be an issue for you may be devastating to someone else. If my husband had to go on a trip for a couple months, it would be very hard for me but I’d manage. But to someone else the idea of their husband leaving for a few weeks may sound absolutely heartbreaking.

But we should be careful not to devalue a person’s pain. Let’s remember what happened when Jesus’ friend Lazarus died and He went to see Lazarus’ family:

John 11:33-44;

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”

Jesus knew that He would raise Lazarus, yet He wept with the family because He loved them and had compassion on them. He didn’t scold them for greiving, instead He showed compassion. Likewise, when someone is in pain we should be careful when we tell them, “It could be worse.” Paul said it perfectly,

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

— Romans 12:15-16,

We can tell God of our pain and never worry that it’s something too small to tell Him.

Self-Inflicted Pain

We should also be kind to hurting people, even if their pain is self-inflicted. I think all of us make sometimes stupid decisions which cause heart-ache and regret in our own lives, and I am thankful to people who haven’t told me, “Look what you’ve done! You should have known better!” But have rather comforted me and given me a second chance. I want to be this way towards others.

This doesn’t mean however that we should always get caught up in a drama. Some people are constantly causing harm to themselves through bad decisions. Many of us, I’m sure, have had a friend who is always in a financial crisis and is always asking for money. We may have tried to help them a few times, but quickly we learn that trying to get them financially stable is like trying to empty the ocean with a cup because they’re always making bad decisions.

I have a friend who is a Drama Queen. Some problem is always happening with her. Small things which I ignore she makes a big deal out of. It may be she does it to get attention, but often she does experience real, honest pain. The first few times a friend supposedly betrayed her, I showed her kindness. I cooked for her, kept her company and read to her from the book of Psalms. But then I found she kept having bad relationships with people and she often gossiped about others.

But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

—Titus 3:9-11

We should not be close to people who continually cause trouble, but when we run across them we can still be gracious. We cannot force other people to behave well or be wise, which is hard if they’re causing themselves pain. Even God does not force people to love Him because He made each of us with free will. But we can control our own behavior towards them with the help of the Holy Spirit and love others with the love of Jesus.