Myself No More

Posted on 03/03/201717/09/2025 by Anna

We all want so much to fight for our rights; women’s rights, minority rights, religious rights, etc. These are the basic things we need, the things we should have a right to:

Food
Shelter
Good Health
Sufficient Clothing
Relationships with others
Privacy

But when we’re living for Christ we may have to sacrifice some or all of these things. I have had to give up quite a bit of these as I have moved overseas, and I still struggle with laying them down. Moving to a new country, I initially get sick a lot as my immune system is unadjusted. Most people in my new country have health practices which I strongly disagree with. A great many people have diseases such as diabetes. I miss the fresh, low-carb food of my native place. And still I eat the food and breath the air of this land. I would be lying if I said the thought, “I just want to go back to the west!” never crossed my mind.

Yet still I stay.

I was serious when I gave my life to Christ. I will stay even if I’m tempted to run away to a more comfortable enviroment. I will stay even if I have to reign in my natural exuberance in order to be culturally appropriate. I will stay even if my health declines.

I will remain with my family.

I will obey Christ.

When we lose our rights we can learn that we can find our core desires in Christ. Now Jesus is teaching me humility and endurance as I find my comfort in Him.

Cusick details seven core desires of the human soul:

Attention — I long to be seen. I long to be valued. I long to matter.
Affection — I long to be enjoyed. I long to be delighted in. I long for you to take pleasure in who I am.
Affirmation — I long to know I have what it takes. I long for your blessing.
Acceptance — I long to belong. I long to be desired.
Satisfaction — I long for fullness. I long for well-being.
Significance — I long for impact. I long for meaning. I long to be powerful.
Security — I long to know I will be OK.

Cusick offers this about our yearnings:
“All of these core thirsts are God-given appetites and longings. When they are suppressed, cut off, or shut down, we resemble an Indy car running on four cylinders. Because of this, we fail to live from our hearts. To run on eight cylinders, we need to acknowledge that we are thirsty and identify what our thirsts are. Why? Because only when we identify them will we begin moving toward those desires according to God’s design.”

Living by faith means giving up who I thought I was in order to discover who I was really meant to be all along.

From Velvet Ashes: “Children of the Morning”

In any case, it would be far more accurate to say that the Enemy, in whatever form he appears, sees us better than we see ourselves. He wouldn’t go to such great lengths to discourage and derail and defeat us if he was not terribly frightened of our beauty, our power, our worth, and our settled position in the kingdom. We are glorious, dangerous children of God. If we really understood that, we’d stop cowering in the dark. If we really understood that, there’s no telling what we could do.

Also, what we really believe about everything always becomes clear in the end. We can talk about God’s love all day long, but without a Spirit revelation of His love at a deep, personal level, nothing in our lives will give evidence to the love of God. I could wax eloquent about God’s goodness and provision, but I still have a major hang-up about my kids getting sick. It’s a serious panicky anxiety thing. Though the truth is that God is good, that He will care for my children (and me) no matter what physical illness finds its way into our home, I can only give lip service to that truth. I’m not yet mixed with it. It’s pretty obvious to anyone who knows me. But when I’m set free from the deep-down lie, it’ll show, too. Every person with whom I come in contact will sense it. They’ll know the peace of it; they’ll long to experience it for themselves. And there is just no end to those ripple effects.

Love & Relationships

Love Letters

Posted on 25/02/201717/09/2025 by Anna

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

— Colossians 3:16

This Valentine’s day – the first Valentine’s day I’ve had a significant other – I found a little book full of sweet expressions of love. On each page I wrote reasons why I love my husband. I had a wonderful time writing it!

Writing love notes to my husband makes me ponder the reasons I wanted to marry him. No matter how I’m feeling, writing positive things about my husband always lightens my mood. It reminds me that I’m blessed and that there’s a lot to appreciate about the gorgeous hunk of man I married.

It moves my husband deeply whenever I write him a love letter. He doesn’t always feel appreciated as a pastor, so it means a great deal to him when I tell him I’m thankful for him. I tell him that I love him several times a day, but he needs to know why I love him and that I have profound reasons based in Jesus. I want him to know I’m not giving him empty compliments merely to boost his ego. Everyone needs sincere compliments, I think especially husbands.

We napped mostly through Valentine’s day, then in the evening we went for a walk together. Around midnight I went to brush my teeth, but Amith told me not to. He wouldn’t tell me why, but he took me into the living room I saw why! He and his friends had gotten me a dark chocolate cake and put two small green candles on it.

In Amith’s culture people will often start celebrating a birthday at midnight. When the birthday person cuts their cake, they’ll put the first piece into the mouth of their significant other.

When Amith and co. had sung happy birthday to me, I tried to blow out the candles. But after a few times I found they had used prank candles which don’t blow out! I laughed with them, but when I went to put cake in Amith’s mouth, I smeared it on his face. He then smeared it on my face.

My husband gave me a tea mug which had this sweet message on it.

The following evening we had a lovely prayer service, but Amith and I left early to have a dinner date. Amith said that he felt he had done little for me, but I felt he treated me like a queen. I’m so blessed to be married to a godly man!

Faith and Hope

Honey Bees & Cockroaches

Posted on 18/02/201719/09/2025 by Anna

My soul melts from heaviness;

Strengthen me according to your word.

–Psalms 119:28

Some family friends had a bee infestation in their attic. When the exterminator came and killed the bees, he gathered quite a bit of honey which our friends gave to us in a jar. It was such a sweet gesture — literally!

Now there’s a life picture of a spiritual truth: When Satan and the world came to exterminate Jesus, His life yielded sweetness that brings us out of bitterness into His glory. May we have this same response!

When we as Christians are persecuted, the world should expect us to yield the raw sweetness of Christ. Even our death should bring life and nourishment to others. I confess I sometimes fear persecution when it stares me in the face. I keep having to remind myself of promises from God’s word.

God is my refuge.

God is my strength.

The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?

–Psalm 118:6

We will yield no sweetness of Christ if our souls are not illuminated with the word. Amith discovered a small cockroach nest under our bed. As he lifted the bed, the roaches scurried away in fear as light flooded their home. The demonic roaches of fear which hide in the dark places of our hearts must flee when confronted with the light of the truth found in the gospel.

God is love.

God is sufficient.

We are His.

He is bigger than our problems.

Psalm 46

God Is Our Fortress

To the choirmaster. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A Song.

God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
    God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
    he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
    how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
    he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

A mind filled with God’s word has no room for Satan’s lies. There are a few people who I really look up to, and I think about what they all have in common. The characteristic they all share is that they are saturated with the Word of God. They spend the vast majority of their time reading the Bible and meditating on it.

Being saturated in the word will bring a person mental clarity, wisdom, grace and joy. The key, of course, is not being merely hearers of the word, but also doers. Rather than letting the Word go through one ear and out the other, the people I look up to absorb what they hear and let it affect every aspect of their lives. We must read the word with the clear intent of growing in our relationship with God.

Social Issues

Being Gracious and Compassionate

Posted on 04/02/201719/09/2025 by Anna

The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

–Psalm 145:8

Weeping With Those Who Weep

I used to feel guilty because after a squabble with a friend, I am shaken and upset. Meanwhile, some people I know have lived and carried themselves well through traumatic events. Recently someone I know lost custody of 13 adopted children due to a false allegation from a fake pastor. The manner in which the officials took the children away was horrible. And this lady has miscarried twice. I feel guilty because how can I have a heavy heart when others are experiencing so much more pain then me?

My mom said something wise:

“Stress is stress. I look at it this way: If someone pours 10 gallons of water over me, I am completely wet. If someone pours 100 gallons of water over me, I am completely wet. Once I am completely wet, the amount of water doesn’t make much difference. Depression is going to feel like depression, misery like misery, no matter the cause.

If a 2 year old cries because her balloon popped, or a 10 year old cries because her dog died, they are both equally broken-hearted.

Having said that, experience, thinking and coping skills will impact what makes you feel depressed. Experience gives you a different perspective and things that once seemed almost unbearable become “one of those things” that happen…

God will put in each person’s life the things they need in order to become more like Christ, and the things that will glorify Him. Your feelings are important to Him, and they are your feelings, your personal response, like being hungry, or too hot, even when others aren’t. So get that snack or take your sweater off or feel disappointed whenever you need to!”

Something which may not be an issue for you may be devastating to someone else. If my husband had to go on a trip for a couple months, it would be very hard for me but I’d manage. But to someone else the idea of their husband leaving for a few weeks may sound absolutely heartbreaking.

But we should be careful not to devalue a person’s pain. Let’s remember what happened when Jesus’ friend Lazarus died and He went to see Lazarus’ family:

John 11:33-44;

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”

Jesus knew that He would raise Lazarus, yet He wept with the family because He loved them and had compassion on them. He didn’t scold them for greiving, instead He showed compassion. Likewise, when someone is in pain we should be careful when we tell them, “It could be worse.” Paul said it perfectly,

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

— Romans 12:15-16,

We can tell God of our pain and never worry that it’s something too small to tell Him.

Self-Inflicted Pain

We should also be kind to hurting people, even if their pain is self-inflicted. I think all of us make sometimes stupid decisions which cause heart-ache and regret in our own lives, and I am thankful to people who haven’t told me, “Look what you’ve done! You should have known better!” But have rather comforted me and given me a second chance. I want to be this way towards others.

This doesn’t mean however that we should always get caught up in a drama. Some people are constantly causing harm to themselves through bad decisions. Many of us, I’m sure, have had a friend who is always in a financial crisis and is always asking for money. We may have tried to help them a few times, but quickly we learn that trying to get them financially stable is like trying to empty the ocean with a cup because they’re always making bad decisions.

I have a friend who is a Drama Queen. Some problem is always happening with her. Small things which I ignore she makes a big deal out of. It may be she does it to get attention, but often she does experience real, honest pain. The first few times a friend supposedly betrayed her, I showed her kindness. I cooked for her, kept her company and read to her from the book of Psalms. But then I found she kept having bad relationships with people and she often gossiped about others.

But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

—Titus 3:9-11

We should not be close to people who continually cause trouble, but when we run across them we can still be gracious. We cannot force other people to behave well or be wise, which is hard if they’re causing themselves pain. Even God does not force people to love Him because He made each of us with free will. But we can control our own behavior towards them with the help of the Holy Spirit and love others with the love of Jesus.

Faith and Hope

Abide

Posted on 26/01/201719/09/2025 by Anna

The most important factor in our walk with Jesus Christ is to abide in him. The more we abide in Christ, the more we will have peace, victory over sin, and be In His Steps. What does it mean to abide in Christ? According to Oxford English Dictionary, the definition of “Abide” is,

“Of a person: to wait for, await; to remain ready for, watch for, expect.”

To abide has to do with the concept of ‘being’ instead of ‘doing.’ Doing in relation to the Christian walk is: reading your Bible, going to church, praying, witnessing, doing good works, fleeing sin, etc. These are all good things to do as a Christian. These are things we should be doing. If we are not doing these things our walk with God and others will suffer.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne.

steadfast love and faithfulness go before you.

–Psalm 89:14

However, if we are doing these things just because we are suppose to, or we are doing them in our own strength, we will not have victory or peace and miss out in having an intimate relationship with Christ. If we are not careful, we can become works oriented instead of Christ oriented.

Today we met with the pastor who preformed our marriage. He said something very wise, “Sometimes when you’re reading a portion of scripture, you think, ‘Oh this will make such a great message!’ You’ll bless your congregation, but you yourself with not take any scripture to heart. We can easily fall into the trap of forgetting our relationship with God.”

To Abide in Christ is to be in the ‘being’ mode. We still are doing the things that God has called us to, but we are doing it in His strength.

“21 “But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it—the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus” –Romans 3:21-26

Righteousness is a good and right relationship with both God and other people.

God is faithful to bring His children into righteousness with Him, erasing their guilt and redeeming them from evil. Holiness is the fruit and behaviour of righteousness, and can only be attained through faith in Christ Jesus.

Abiding in Christ is about having an intimate relationship with Him.

The relationship is more important than the things we do or don’t do. The more we are abiding in Him, the more we will be faithful. We will hear His voice clearer, not be works oriented, and have more peace in our life. To abide is to experience His presence. Let’s explore the definition of abide: To wait for-We as Christians need to spend much more time waiting on God. By this we mean spending time with God, seeking His will, not jumping ahead of Him.

To endure without yielding-To be determined to experience God’s presence.

To bear patiently-To abide in Christ when we don’t feel like it. To be patient waiting for God to reveal His will and Himself.

To continue in a place-We need to spend more time, staying in His presence.

Why do you look forward to heaven? Is is about a place? Or is it about a person, that is, Christ?

If we are abiding in Christ, we can be assured that we will walk IN HIS STEPS and experience a little taste of heaven on earth.

Abiding in Christ is a process. We don’t get there overnight. So don’t get discouraged if it seems hard to just ‘rest in Him.’

Enjoy the mountains, the ocean, the blue skies, the thunder and lightning, the green pastures, the hot desert…

As you enjoy God’s creation, you will sense His presence.

Abiding will come.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.“

–Philippians 1:6

Sources:

“Abide, V.” Oxford English Dictionary, Oxford UP, September 2025, https://doi.org/10.1093/OED/6116853908.

Church & Ministry Life

Hurt by the Church

Posted on 19/01/201719/09/2025 by Anna

Whether you’re a pastor or a layman, virtually all of us at some point or another have been hurt by a church group in some way. We may have been victims of differing kinds of abuse. We may have experienced being let down, betrayed or lied to.

1: When you’ve been burned by the church and how to handle it.

Over the course of my life I have become acquainted with many church groups, and well, some members of said groups have utterly infuriated me, to be frank. When talking to some, I have had to suppress the urge to use language a pastor’s wife should probably not use.

It often comes as a shock to us when this happens within the church, especially from leadership. We think, “You guys are THE BRIDE OF CHRIST! Why don’t you &*@%#*^@ act like it?” (Oh, there’s that language pastor’s wives shouldn’t use.)

I could use the clichés of “no church is perfect,” “you have to let it go and reconcile,” “stop being bitter,” but I haven’t found such advice really practically helpful in the midst of serious heartache and messy relationships. Saying these things to someone who’s been really, truly burned by a church is like kind of like saying to someone who’s been stabbed in the chest, “Just ignore the pain and move on. And stop bleeding, you’re going to stain the sidewalk!”

Let me remind you that all believers are part of a worldwide body called The Church, but that of course we meet in church groups, some bigger, some smaller. There is a difference between referring to, “the church” and, “a church.”

So why do some church-goers act so terribly?

It boils down to people easily falling into the trap of selfishness. Relationships will enviably fail when we don’t put up healthy boundaries and put our desires before the needs of others.

Certainly not everyone who attends church or claims to be a Christian is mature emotionally, or is mature in their faith. Maybe someone who hurt you at church is a new Christian or is actually not yet a Christian.

What’s hardest is when it’s a church leader who is doing the damage. In Hebrews 13:17 it says, “Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority.” Spiritually abusive leaders will use this verse to say something to the effect of, “God has given me authority over you; thus, to disobey me is to disobey God.” But in Ephesians 1:22 it is said of Jesus, “And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church.”

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

—Ephesians 5:25-27

Christ loves The Church as a good husband loves his wife. It says in Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Our real enemy is Satan, and he has been launching an attack against the Bride of Christ since The Church began. It makes him unspeakably angry to see God’s children acting as vessels of the Holy Spirit, and he knows if he can bait believers against each other he’ll win a great victory.

2: When the issue lies with you.

I have known several people who won’t go to church, or will “church hop,” because they just can’t seem to find a church where people aren’t “hypocrites” or “fake” or “living in sin.”

People will hurt you anywhere you go, in any setting, spiritual or secular. Is the number of hurtful people in your church greater than the number of hurtful people in any other close-knit group of humans?

Maybe you do go to church regularly, or are in ministry, and you are conscious that you have hurt someone out of selfishness. I know I have! It’s very hard to admit to yourself because once you do, you may be overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and regret. But God’s wrath towards your sin was poured out upon Jesus at the cross.

3: Forgiveness and Healing.

It’s of the upmost importance that we ask God for an attitude of grace.

Read the last 3 chapters of the gospel of Luke. Judas wasn’t the only backstabber in Jesus’ 12. All of them ran away like cowards when Jesus needed them most. Peter even denied he knew Jesus, yet Jesus was able to reconcile with him and commanded him to be a missionary.

Judas committed suicide because he saw no hope of redemption, so Jesus never had a chance to reconcile with him. But after the resurrection Jesus returned to the remaining 11 disciples, forgave them, and they all ended up becoming passionate apostles for Christ who would later on die for their faith.

This is just one example of God transforming the lives of sinful people. My point is that God can change biggest morons into saints. We can’t afford to hold grudges, for that will not benefit anyone, and who knows what God sees in a sinner? Maybe God will transform their life. He certainly loves even the worst sinners and desires to redeem them, which is how we all have been saved.

Here are some main keys to healing relationships:

Be Humble: Be always humble, gentle, and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another. – Ephesians 4:2

Communicate Well: Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry. – James 1:19

Have Patience: Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. – Romans 12:12

When you’ve been hurt by someone:

Forgive them, but don’t allow yourself back into the same bad situation. I would not tell a person who was bitten by a dog to go back to the same dog and pet it. Forgive the person who hurt you, but henceforth keep healthy boundaries between you and them.
Remember that talking about what happened in order to process or seek help is not gossiping. But choose a very limited number of people and always go back to them as you process over time. That way you don’t risk gossiping. Choose people who are mature in matters of relationships, the church, knowledge of Scripture and who will give you a loving but honest perspective, and not just tell you what you want to hear. If other people are affected by what happened, give them only the details that they need, and in a way aimed to protect them and glorify Christ. I.e. Don’t sweep things under the rug – deal with things openly – but with the goal of healing and growth, not with the goal of getting everyone on your side and hurting the other person back.
Seek reconciliation. Even if you’ve made the decision to leave a church, if you are able try to reconcile so that you don’t leave on a bad note.

When you’ve hurt someone:

Apologize and reconcile with the person you wronged. If you are able to make things right with the person you wronged and apologize, go and do so. Whether they forgive you or not is between them and God.
Forgive yourself. This can be the hardest thing to do, but Christ has already forgiven you.
Repent and change your ways. Ask a trusted friend to hold you accountable so that you don’t fall back into the same hurtful behavior.

And most importantly, don’t loose faith in God because of something one of His children did.

1 Peter 3:8-11

Suffering for Righteousness’ Sake

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For

“Whoever desires to love life
and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit;
let him turn away from evil and do good;
let him seek peace and pursue it.

Faith and Hope

Endurance

Posted on 03/01/201719/09/2025 by Anna

Another email from my mom:

“I read today, ‘And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry.’ (Luke 4:1-2)

I’m used to thinking about a temptation coming and us being told to resist the devil and he will flee from us. As I read on in this passage, I always thought of Jesus being tempted 3 times. But as you read this carefully, this passage indicates that Jesus was being tempted by the devil throughout his forty days in the wilderness. In the Bible, 40 is the number for testing (God sent the rain in Noah’s time for 40 days, Israelites were in the desert 40 years etc), so it makes sense that this time in the wilderness was a time of testing for Jesus.

I thought about how hard these longer-term testings and temptations are. Something we could endure for a short while wears us thin after a longer while. Frustrations build, fears build, fatigue builds… It’s this long-term pressure that most shapes our character, like wearing braces for 4 years shapes your mouth. But how to survive this?

How can we go week after week, or month after month, without becoming burned out and bitter? I don’t believe we can. We don’t have the strength. But it is no longer I who lives, but Christ lives in me. Christ understands, for He was tempted just as we are, including a long, lonely and hungry sojourn in the wilderness, by the will of God.”

Maybe you have a difficult relationship with someone. Maybe you have health problems. Maybe you turn on your computer an add for a porn site pops up. Maybe you are having difficulties at work or in your education. Maybe you are depressed or are suffering grief. It is not a sin to feel tempted to do wrong in situations like these. It is a sin to act on the feeling however. We can’t overcome these temptations on our own, but the Holy Spirit will help us.

God will never allow a temptation in your life too difficult for you. If you feel it is too difficult for you, that means you must look to God and ask Him for help. You can do all things and overcome all things by His Grace.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.

–Titus 2:11-12

Faith and Hope

Death & New Life

Posted on 31/12/201619/09/2025 by Anna

This past year many heavy losses were met with and several of our friends and relatives passed on. This has led people to curse this year as one of death and loss.

I recently received this email from my mom:

The reality is that loss hurts. Simeon told Mary, “A sword will pierce your soul.” Jesus wept to the Father, “Please take this away if it’s possible to do and still be within your will.” Clearly, dreading the pain of loss is not a sin. This is not doubting God’s sovereignty and power like fear is, it’s knowing that something is going to hurt.

Remember when Mary, Martha and the Jews were crying over Lazarus’s death, and the women said, “Lord, if you’d been here, Larazus wouldn’t have died? Jesus did not rebuke them for their pain and their desire to have Lazarus back. He wept with them at seeing their pain, even though He knew He was about to raise Lazarus. (John 11:32-35)

Here are some thoughts that have helped me:

James 1:17 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” God gave you [your husband], and any children you might have, as good and perfect (i.e. exactly right for His plan for the world, for you life and for their lives) and He will not take them away until doing so is a good and perfect gift. His plans and work and gifts in our life don’t waver from good to bad and back again. Example: Lovie. [An elderly lady who we were close friends with.] He blessed the three of us through each other, being prayer warriors, worshiping together, us seeing how God is very present right up to the end of life and her being less lonely because of us. And when He took her, it was also good and perfect. She is whole, you had moved…anyway, and in addition to learning several other lessons, I rejoiced that she was finally out of pain. We can trust God that He will bring God out of every single thing that He allows in our lives and in our loved ones’ lives…

I don’t have to be capable of enduring right now what God allows in my life later. Psalm 50:15 says, “Call upon Me in the day of distress; I will deliver you, and you will glorify Me.” So when those worries come, I remember I don’t have to solve such a situation right now. I give those thoughts to God and ask Him to provide what I need when the time comes. He is faithful.

He will be with me every step (“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me”), He will never leave me (“I will never leave you nor forsake you”) so I will never be alone.

I love my husband and my children so much, but the Father loves them even more. He knows what’s best for them better than I do, He can protect them better than I can, He can fix their hurts, failures and needs that I can’t. He will meet all of their needs, spiritually, physically, relationally, emotionally in His own time and His own way. He sees the plan for their life from beginning to end and is working it all out. He knows what He’s doing! In short, God is a way better Father to my loved ones than I could ever be a wife/mother to them. So when I worry about what would happen to Dad or to you girls, or to my parents if I should die, I remind myself, “I was only a tool of God. Their heavenly Father has been taking care of them all this time, and He will continue to do so.”

I realize that pretty much every caring wife and mother I’ve ever met experience varying degrees of anxiety at times. Somehow realizing that these are normal feelings helps me. It’s like being grumpy during PMS. You realize, “This is normal, not a big deal, really.” You do what you can to alleviate it, like eating chocolate…but you don’t add the stress of worrying that it’s a deep spiritual problem, or that you’re immature or unusual. It’s “welcome to the human race.” It’s just, “Here are these anxious thoughts and feelings again. Time to pull out the Bible verses and prayer and coping skills.”

Isaiah 57:1-2

The righteous man perishes,
and no one lays it to heart;
devout men are taken away,
while no one understands.
For the righteous man is taken away from calamity;
he enters into peace;
they rest in their beds
who walk in their uprightness.

I don’t personally know every single person who passed on this year. But I do know that while it’s easy to become become bitter towards God due to our grief, it’s folly to lose sight of His purposes.

While those of us who were left behind this year are naturally experiencing deep pain, many of those who have been taken from us are experiencing joy we could never imagine. They have entered into God’s presence, into the most perfect peace and love. In human eyes this seems like a year of tragedy, but in heaven’s eyes I believe it has in a way been a year of new life and growth.

May The Comforter continually grant us peace.

Life as a Foreigner

Merry Christmas

Posted on 28/12/201611/09/2025 by Anna

Thanks to our honeymoon in Thailand, this will probably be the first winter I have even been tan. I have not written a blog post in many moons because Amith and I were busy, y’know, getting married and stuff. So consider this my Christmas post, and shortly I will continue to write about my thoughts from this past year.

Although, understandably, this Christmas has rather snuck up on us, I thoroughly enjoyed our first Christmas as a married couple. On the morning of Christmas eve my husband and I danced around our room singing, “Feliz Navidad” in a goofy way. Afterwards Amith would not shut up singing, “Feliz Navidad.”

God graciously blessed our Christmas worship services, and it causes me again to muse upon the miracle of God incarnate leaving His home in heaven to come live with us out of love, who despised and rejected Him. Although I too have left my homeland and comfort zone, I have not endured suffering even half as intensely as my Saviour has.

I pray that God will continue to grow me and strengthen me in order to glorify Him. Here’s to a very Merry Christmas!

The following was written by “Rachel” who lives in Djibouti:

On the first day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, A friend in nearly every country.

On the second day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Two weeks of jet lag and a friend in nearly every country.

On the third day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the fourth day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the fifth day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the sixth day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Six skillz with squatty potties, five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the seventh day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Seven different currencies, six skillz with squatty potties, five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the eighth day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Eight pics for Instagram, seven different currencies, six skillz with squatty potties, five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the expat life gave to me, Nine identity crises, eight pics for Instagram, seven different currencies, six skillz with squatty potties, five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the tenth day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Ten reasons to honk my car horn, nine identity crises, eight pics for Instagram, seven different currencies, six skillz with squatty potties, five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the eleventh day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Eleven strange hand gestures, ten reasons to honk my car horn, nine identity crises, eight pics for Instagram, seven different currencies, six skillz with squatty potties, five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

On the twelfth day of Christmas the expat life gave to me, Twelve cultural faux pas, eleven strange hand gestures, ten reasons to honk my car horn, nine identity crises, eight pics for Instagram, seven different currencies, six skillz with squatty potties, five weeks of diarrhea, four tropical diseases, three foreign languages, two weeks of jet lag, and a friend in nearly every country.

Merry Christmas from my international family to yours!

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Life as a Foreigner

Expat Depression

Posted on 21/10/201619/09/2025 by Anna

Lately I’ve been feeling down because of a sense of loneliness. Although I have good friends in spots in different parts of the country I’ve been living in, I’ve struggled to make close friends where I’m living.
I sent a message to another expat who has had more on-field experience than me, and this is what she responded:

1) It’s not your imagination about relationships [here] being on the surface — people here are very insecure […] not discreet about each other’s “heart issues” and gossiping is rampant

2) Spiritual warfare is ramped up and the opposer knows just how to amplify the intensity of the acculturation and discourage you from the calling on your life

Actually, during those episodes I really learned what it meant to be the friend of God. Jesus is a friend, but I don’t think up until I experienced that level of loneliness that I knew what it meant to be His.
During very hard times, when I could only get through the day hour by hour (if not minute, by minute) I would seclude myself in worship. Like literally. There was a school of worship nearby and I would walk there and sit/walk/talk/dance/lie down/kneel in God’s Presence until I could feel the oppression lift off and I was renewed in my hope, only then would I dare to get back up and walk back out into the “field”…and I always felt much better. My go to is always praise/worship.’

I am emotionally at this point as I adjust to living in a new country, and as depression is my weak point. I know many of my fellow expats experience the same thing. The enemy is going to use your adaption process to try to discourage you from your calling. Here are some of Satan’s lies:

It will always feel this way. It won’t! You have entered into the hardest phase of the adaption process. The good news is, this means that you’re moving along. As you work your way through this it will get easier.

There is something wrong with you for experiencing this. This is normal, so normal that researchers have described the pattern and books have been written about coping with it.

That you’re inadequate, you can’t be useful and successful here. God has been preparing you for this all your life and He won’t stop now. It’s His work through you, and He crosses all cultures, all life transitions, all of our deficiencies. No fear, just trust, calling on Him for help, and He will fulfill His purpose in you and through you.

Tips for good feelings management:

-> Acknowledging them and not guilting yourself. Tell trustworthy people about them.

-> Stay engaged with supportive people who can understand.

-> Taking mental breaks, like going for walks and talks with a friend or loved one.

More suggestions:

1. Vent through journaling and/or sharing with a trustworthy loved one, or some other way of expressing your feelings which won’t be a negative influence on others.

There is a difference between venting and sharing. Venting is unedited emotion that isn’t necessarily reasonable, it’s just letting off steam. Sharing is expressing a situation with more openness to discussing it and maybe problem-solving. Sometimes you need to vent to get to a place of readiness to share.

Venting can tire a listener out, especially if they feel somewhat responsible for the other’s discomfort. Sharing usually bonds people closer.

2. Remember that you don’t have to be a different person to live in another country.

Just like when you wear a bathing suit and act casually at the beach and but wear much more formal clothes and behaviour at church, you are always the same person, but you choose different clothes and different behaviours in each situation. In a sense, you are learning how to tie and wear a cultural sarree. It will take practice and a lot of help at first, and you will get frustrated, but it will get easier, and you still can wear your “old clothes” in some situations.

3. Remember that God uses everything for your good, including this.

So rather than trying to fight off the feelings, when they come, ask God to use them effectively in your life to deepen your relationship with Him, and to further equip you for His service. See these feeling as a tool He’s using and ask Him for wisdom in how to get the most out of this experience. Ask Him to carry this load of feelings for you when it gets too heavy for you.

4. Observe what you’re experiencing and processing like an outsider would, and document this.

Then you will be able to understand and support someone else one day. If you have to go through it, don’t waste the opportunity to maximize your ministry opportunities from it!

5. Continue those mental breaks from processing all of this.

Intersperse your day with things that are relaxing or fun for you or that challenge you, things that distract you into another space for just a little while. My mom recommends having occasionally having a supreme, all out, extravaganza pity party. If you like writing, try to write it out. It might sound like this,

“I hate my life. It’s not worth living. Why? Because so-and-so does not approve of me. Yes, I know that I am dearly loved by God who takes care of me in every way. I am dearly loved by my husband, my kids, my parents, and a bunch of friends. They would enjoy me and talk to me any day. I have a comfortable house, a safe living environment, more food than I can eat, good health, an education, freedom, a good job, and money to buy things I don’t need. There are 7 billion people in the world. But this one person won’t make eye contact with me. My life is utterly ruined!”

See how that works? You must take it very seriously, how bad your life truly is. It’s a lot of fun. You can even invite a friend to your pity party via email. Their response may not be quite the weeping and gnashing of teeth that your life difficulty deserves, in fact, some responses I’ve received in the past have led me to believe that my friend was actually laughing at me, but then, you can just add that to the tragedy of your life.
“And, I can’t get no respect!”

6. Exercise every day if you can.

Take care of your body, my friend.

7. Eat! Eat! Eat!

Oh, wait, that only results in tight pants. But do make sure you’re getting enough protein and iron.

8. Even though your feelings are a result of an explainable circumstance, circumstances can trigger endogenous (genetic) depression that needs medical help to re-stabilise.

Check in with a mental health therapist if feelings continue and keep you from preforming normal activities, or if you find yourself becoming increasingly forgetful and “spacey.”

9. You’ve been through difficult times with difficult feelings before.

Remember back to what helped you get through those times — and do some more of that.

The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

—Psalm 25:14-15