I’m from the USA, my husband is from India and he is a precious gift from God. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband. Many people ask Amith and I how we get along because we’re from two different cultures. The truth of the matter is people everywhere are really the same in their nature, even if they’re different in their outward habits.
When I visited the US this summer, I noticed a stark contrast between Indians and Americans. Speaking generally, I’ve observed Indians tend to be angry while Americans tend to be melancholy. I’ve seen Indians bawling out a waiter at a restaurant, yelling in traffic jams — definitely not saving the drama for their mama. While you talk to many Americans and they sound like their world is crashing down because their significant other didn’t respond to their text immediately, for example.
But Christians of either culture are the same – joyful — whatever the attitude of their fellow countrymen.
I know many, many other American women married to Indians as well as other intercultural marriages. I can honestly say I’ve seen same-culture couples have more conflict in their relationship than some cross-culture couples.
When my friends and family found I was engaged to Amith, they were all thrilled, especially my parents. However there was this one elderly lady at our church who had lived in India for a year when she was young. She said, “Break off your engagement! Don’t you know Indian men treat their wives like servants?” She proceeded to give me numerous examples of unhappy Indian marriages (none of which were Christian).
She asked why don’t I pick a boy from our little farming town. I kept silent, but I felt like saying, “Following this logic, I could give you just as many examples of men here I’ve known who have cheated on their wives or become drug junkies.”
The fact of the matter is in our own strength we cannot make any relationship work, whether we’re married cross culturally or not.
Therefore if you have any encouragement in Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, then make my joy complete by being of one mind, having the same love, being united in spirit and purpose.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
–Philippians 2:1-4
This is the key to any relationship, whether it’s with our spouse, our parents, our children, our in-laws our friends, or anyone else who plays a role in our life; to act in love selflessly. Plus it’s the hardest thing…pretty much impossible in our own strength. That’s why we can’t do without the Holy Spirit.
Anna Sojourning 